By ninemsn staff
Sex and the City star Sarah Jessica Parker has been crowned the world's unsexiest woman by a US men's magazine.
Maxim.com writers compared Parker, who is married to Matthew Broderick, to famous US racehorses Barbaro and Secretariat and suggested they'd rather be intimate with her co-star, Chris 'Mr Big' Noth.
"How the hell did this broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women and still star on a show with 'sex' in the title?" they asked.
British singer Amy Winehouse got the runner-up gong thanks to her "openly hemorrhaging translucent skin, rat's nest mane and lashes that look more like surgically attached bats".
Sandra Oh takes out the bronze medal of shame, although the Maxim crew admitted their resentment stems from "a show about sappy chick doctors we're forced to watch or else our girlfriends won't have sex with us".
"We're holding Dr McSkinny, with her cold bedside manner and boyish figure, personally responsible," they said.
'Menopausal' Madonna is in fourth place, with special mention of her decline from pop-erotic goddess to old Jewish woman.
"Combine a Paris Hilton–like pet accessorizing fetish — only for dirt-poor foreign babies — with a mug that looks Euro-sealed to her skull, and you've got Willem Dafoe with hot flashes," they said.
Britney Spears rounds out the group, with her disastrous VMA awards appearance this year sending the magazine's staff into reminisces about the python-wrapped performances of her prime.
"Since then, she's lost the ability to perform but gained two kids, two useless ex-husbands and about 10kgs of pudge," they added.
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