04.19 pm, Thursday May 24 2012

Sex-starved wives taking action: experts

09:30 AEDT Wed Jul 1 2009
By Emily O'Keefe, ninemsn
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Sex therapist Bettina Arndt says women are becoming more vocal about their sexual needs. (Photo: ABC)
Sex therapist Bettina Arndt says women are becoming more vocal about their sexual needs. (Photo: ABC)

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Hot on the heels of the cougar, sex therapists say a new brand of liberated women has emerged — sex-starved wives who are standing up for their needs in the bedroom.

Women with a higher sex drive than their husbands were becoming increasingly vocal about their suffering, sex therapist Bettina Arndt told ninemsn.

"There has been as steady trickle of women coming to me complaining that they are not getting enough sex," she said.

"There are women out there who want a lot of sex and whose husbands simply can't keep up."

Arndt, who is the author of The Sex Diaries, said four out of 10 sexually frustrated women she had recently been corresponding with had ended their relationships because of the problem.

Sydney psychologist and sex therapist Serena Cauchi said she had also noticed the trend.

"It is not as uncommon as you would think," she told ninemsn.

“There are women who have come to me who have a higher sex drive than their husbands.

"Women may react just as men may do in this situation; some have affairs and some choose to end the relationship."

One Melbourne woman, who did not wish to be named, told ninemsn she had been sexually frustrated for at least half of her 14-year marriage.

"When we first got together, there was never an issue with my husband’s sex drive, we would have sex at least five times a week," she said.

"But in the last seven years he has become less and less interested — now we would probably only have sex once a week."

The 42-year-old woman said her self esteem had "taken a battering" because of the constant rejection from her husband.

"Having a husband who is hardly interested in having sex with me anymore has made me feel like it's my fault."

"I feel like a failure as a wife and as a woman."

Arndt said one of her subjects, "Barb", had only had sex twice in the last 17 years.

Women who found themselves in a similar situation often felt hurt and wounded, she said.

"It is an intolerable thing for them because they think they are not desirable — it eats away at them not being wanted."

"They are often perplexed because they talk to their friends who are all complaining about having to beat their husbands off with a stick."

Arndt said more research needed to be done to find out why some men were troubled by a low sex drive, a task made more difficult because men were often unwilling to talk about it.

"We need to find out more about what is happening to the men and why."

Arndt is looking for male volunteers for her study, click here for more details.

 

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